Lost Spirit

Three years ago, when i lost my parents, was very hard on me. I didn't take the news very well. every now and then i think about my parents. I will always miss them everyday. Last time i saw my dad was the night of my bday. this coming Saturday the 1st of October is my bday. and i have been emotional these past couple of days. Because of how much i miss my dad. It was very hard to lose him all over again. After having my dad back in my life again was fantastic. and i spend mostly every other weekend with him. I wanted to get to know him all over again. And i was. until my dad passed away unexpectedly. But i know my dad wouldn't want to see me like this forever. two moths later i loss my mom to cancer. I was hurting all over again and way to close to christmas too. That's when i loss my mom that same yr. 2014. And just last year 2015 of December i loss my older brother. I was grieving all over again. And question myself why are these bad things keep happening to me and my family. I am going through a lot. and now i said to myself, I can't keep doing this. I would like to have more good times, and be happy and have my spirit back, I am slowly working on getting my spirit back for my bday and the holidays too. Its taken me a very long time. And i am remembering all the good times i had with mom and dad and my brother too. My brother was like a father figure to me because he has always been there for me. I don't have anyone now to walk me down that isle when i get married. I would love to have that day, someday. Maybe i can think about having  my cousin or my aunt to walk me down the isle. I'm sure my parents and my brother would be ok. And be there in spirit. I will always love and miss them. Right now i am working on graduation. I should be graduating college next year. And i have been waiting for that day since i started school. This pass week i started to have that feeling again, its slowly coming back to me, i am getting back my spirit again. It was just taking so long. For the first time that i know, i was depressed for so long that i toke my anger on someone 3 yrs ago. And i was wrong, and apologized for my behavior. Well anyways i need to get to class, about to start my day, take care and talk soon... luv u all....